So I've been mulling a lot, wondering how I want to enter this new year. I keep reading posts of women and families who have chosen a word or phrase to sort of guide them through the year ahead. Words like simplicity, focus, be present, live fully.
But I'll make a confession here: I sort of want to be that person with the family mission statement and the written out goals and that very focused purpose for myself and for my family, but I never seem to do it. I'm too wishy washy. The other part of my confession is that I am in almost constant struggle with anxiety and depression. ( That said, it is mostly under control but my reality is that those are part of the weight of my life and often the filter through which I view the world.) I have come to terms with it just being a part of me, part of my chemical makeup, part of my psyche. There are some good things. It sometimes keeps me grounded as I tend to be impulsive. It gives me great empathy for others who struggle. But it can also make me very negative and feeling lost or hopeless. And it can overwhelm me and keep me from doing things I want to do and feeling in ways I want to feel. It puts up little walls where my dreams and goals should be and it tells me I am weak, disorganized, poor and untalented.
Wow. That was harder to type that I thought it would be. I don't like that I sometimes feel this way about myself. I want to rise above that, and often do. I saw this poster over at Whatever yesterday and I really want it, because it's true (and it makes me laugh.) Awesomeness IS a choice and every circumstance presents us with the option to put on our rosey glasses or pull our hats down over our eyes. We can look at our days with thankfulness for God's blessings in our lives or not. We CAN view the world and the people around us with grace and generosity and we can do the same for ourselves. So today I am deciding to be joyful in everything. I am choosing to look purposefully for the happiness and beauty around me and to not be dragged down by the monkeys on my back. It may not always come naturally and sometimes I am sure it won't come easily, but I can do it because I choose to.
So I choose joy for the easy things like Ellerie writing her name.
I choose joy for the big things like a happy marriage, warm home and healthy family.
I choose joy for the little things like Gigi snuggled at my feet
and I choose joy in the more difficult things for me like seeing beauty in cold, gray winter and staying positive and hopeful about the little dreams and plans for the future still in my head.
I know I won't always feel happy and sunny and that's okay for me. Still, I look forward to a more purposeful contentment. My life is good. I don't want to ever lose that forrest for the shadows of trees. I want to see the silver linings and remember that my cup is really more than half full. Here's to a joyous new year! So far, so good. ;-)