Monday, May 10, 2010

Mixed Bag Motherhood

As it sometimes goes, the first half of Mother's Day weekend didn't seem to go quite right for me. I think I jinxed it when Cal was only two months old and got his first (very mild, but STILL) sunburn on the day before my first one. I can happily celebrate my own mother and the other mothers in my life, but I'm always left feeling a little undeserving of the sweetness I get from my beautiful children. It's like I'm doomed to spend the day before Mother's Day in some sort of terrible state with my kids, only to be reminded by the next morning how loving and fab they can be just in time to feel like a big jerk who is forever screwing things up.

Oh, I know that's not really true. It's part of what makes us mothers, or at least part of what makes me a mother. Loving them so much to want them to be better and wanting myself to be better at the same time. We can, and DO, love each other through it. I know my mom wasn't perfect. I mean, she couldn't have been, right? ;-) But, somehow when I remember her in my younger years, none of the bad stuff comes through. So, if we all remember these days a little sweeter than they really were sometimes, what does that hurt? I just hope that the good outshines the bad someday in all our minds. I'll just take Sunday and leave Saturday in the brain dust.

The kiddos really were too sweet to me on Sunday, lavishing me with cards and stories and pictures and writings, how could I dwell on our Saturday shortcomings?

From Ellie: Who can resist black glitter flowers for Mama's Day? Truly the girl has a disturbing obsession with the black glitter crayon. There are very few things that actually look attractive colored with it. But she is determined and I feel honored to have it used on me.

From Tate: So so special because USUALLY I am relegated to "worst in d world!!"

And from Cal: Never to be satisfied with a few short words, my little man who can't spell to save his life wrote me a rele, rele, rele, rele sweet love note. I just dig the rockin' blue boots. Too bad I don't have any.

And the best of the best from my Man: Mike, you know just how to crack my can after I've been having a rotten time of things. Thanks for "getting me" and for getting me out of my head.


Nicola (Which Name?) said...

oh god, that card from mike is hysterical. what sweet notes from your boys! i am with you...i was a grouch yesterday! LOL
happy mother's day!

beemahoney said...

That is so funny. had to see it to appreciate it. I bet he had fun coloring for sure *)

Scented Sweetpeas said...

Isn't it funny how as soon as you have a baby the guilt switch is turned on full blast! I don't think I had ever felt guilt on the same level before I had children. You are human so don't beat yourself up about little problems that come up. x PS I am loving your little girlies black glitter fetish - she must be thinking of stars in the night sky every time she colours - nothing better to set off sparkle as black :-)

Aging Mommy said...

No one is perfect and no mother does everything right and all children have their good and bad moments, hours and days. Every day is a new day so the saying goes, but I think with children it's more every moment is a new moment that applies and the good is not just good, it is amazingly so.

Your cards are just wonderful, and those words of love mean more than anything. Glad to hear you had a Happy Mothers Day.

Jen said...

The one from Cal is definitely my favorite. Even reading ones from other peoples kids makes me almost cry! I am a mess. When Dylan is old enough to give me those, I'm going to be a slobbery, mushy fool.

Feather said...

laughing hysterically! and singing that god awful song now! gosh, how i needed a belly laugh like that. and liss? i feel like a crappy mom 6 out of 7 days a week. i think it's just part of the job description.